breathing - in and out

I have been searching and reading a lot on topical steriod addiction as of late and the more I think about it the more I KNOW that this is Cruz. Here are my fears: Does this include his asthma puffers? What about Benadryl? What if anything can be given to him if he is having a crazy itch attack? If I start him on the withdrawl process all it takes is one time for my Mom to f*** it up.

I am so sick and tired of living in fear. Fear of every god damned thing. Will Cruz ever function optimally? Will his Dad ever not be an ass****, will my Mom ever be supportive, will I find a better job, should I quit this one, should I be at home with my son and not worry about money and live a more poor life, CAN someone/anyone give me the ANSWERS? Please?

So on top of reading about all this steroid addiction I am still in the process of getting Cruz to a) have baths and b) get his blood work done for allergy testing. He was prescribed ativan to ease him so he'd be less afraid of getting it done but nope it sure didn't help. Made him a lot loopy but still my little fighter was there. God I just admire the fight in him though. Those nurses were sure on their toes and very worried. We ended up leaving, but now what?

I have to thank facebook for the groups...the eczema group, and the food allergy friend group. I am thankful for all the people out there sharing experiences and being straight up and not holding back in their journey to having healthier non-ithcy kids.

Okay, so I need to breathe... and pick every Mom's brain who has or is going thru this because this smile could be brighter!

Foods

I am going to try and add food that we make in an effort to use products that Cruz is allergic to, which are as follows:

Dairy
Eggs
Nuts
Wheat
Soy
Barley

I also have an extremely picky eater!!!

out of love

I just want to post that I have a deep rooted connection with my son as of late and we have never felt more close and at peace with one another. My son is such an old soul, very in tune with his emotions and feelings. I have a sense of peace now with him - like never before. Thinking of him no longer stresses me out it makes me smile.

His eczema is still not good but we have come a far way from where we were, and I know it'll never be that bad again. Yes we are tired. But we have a better understanding of one another. Sounds totally corny, right? But not to me.

I am going to blog more!

My mind...neverending

Well it has been a long 4 months since my last archive. Things have been really good. We had a great Christmas this year, one I was sort of dreading. Last year Cruz's eczema was so horrible I dreaded the weather and the holiday. But we ended up having a fantastic Christmas shared with all our (small) family. I decided that in an effort to keep Cruz safe from allergens etc...that Christmas dinner would be held at our house. My one aunt has 2 pre-adolescent sons whom eat all of Cruz's allergens everywhere and he always has a flare up everytime we're there. From the table laiden in peanutbutter or the boys rooms in goose feathers, to duist mites, and dust, not to mention mold from the basement....So going there is out of the question most times just because of those things. My other Aunt has cats and a dog - so we stear clear!

We had the usual for dinner but made everything "Cruz safe" from mashed potatoes made with earth balance, and rice milk to gravy made with corn starch and deserts of apple pie, home-made Enjoy life chocolates....and my Mom made the best sweet potatoes that tasted like desert. It was amazing!

The eczema battle is still something we tackle daily. He still enjoys picking what he calls his "pickey spots" and as gross as it is eats it too. This really grosses me out but boys will be boys. I have him on a good vitamin regim of vitamin D, Omega 3, 6, and 9, Iron, and a multivitamin. I would still like to find a probitic and think I need to make an appointment with our naturopath.

The road is endless with Eczema but it does get better and easier to handle. Same with the food allergies. It's the anxiety that has to be dealt with.

From the Santa Clause Parade! My sweet babe!